for you

do you hear me...
when i dream of you...
or when i call your name...
or am i the silence that has no meaning...
everything i scream has meaning...
even if it is the silence...
it has my meaning for you....

The Voice

There is a sound I scream inside my head...
I keep to the track...
Following wicked paths lost...
I can only hear myself in silence...
But when its gone...
I'm affraid to lose the voice...

penance

my crimes are unspeakable...
between breathes...
drinking as a forgiven sin...
these breathes are for a with a stain...
breathes are never atonement for the spilled...

where it will be true

i don't care any more...
the world keeps turning no matter how far i am...
i don't have hate in my heart...
my heart won't match this world...
what i do will be mine...
and what i can give to the world...
i will give it with joy...
but my aims won't be to please the world...
my aim will be true, for me...

if it is to be requated

some of the worlds joy aren't to be mine...
as it is obvious that i won't be here before the next century...
some of the laws are cold to me...
but i must keep as though they aren't...
the light that keeps me warm isn't always mine...
as this i speak as a thief, that starves more than feasts...
i am to except this as it is law...
as things are, the past innocent feelings give joy...
but as a man these things are shallow to live by...

some bitters

if things could glitter as they do in memories...
the world would speak more of you...
but as it stands the words that sound...
are of broken and wounded feelings...
laughing is the only way to cope...
with the attempts made to walk about...
this would sound of a working life...
the only thing that keeps it from falling apart...
are these words, that see the shine in the few moments...

dangling of madness

in all the strange words...
standing amongst the expected world...
some words made sleep...
that much easier...
especially during the milestones and anniversaries'...
of others...
faded to a black mood with a smile...
is the simple couping that doesn't work...
because it becomes empty...
and the meanings become lost because of it...

burning in some sun... somewhere

i spit blood when i speak...
i got the last bit of breath in me...
as the final love...
everything is in my word...
whether my truth is truth...
these are the word that were given me...
for or hate that's my truth...

There will be words

When this life passes...
Will you still be the same soul...
After all the battles...
And the burning days...
Could you remember the same light...
Are you still there in the air...
Does your step touch the earth...
Even it passes there will be these words...

Exile

The world doesn't close on me...
It leaves me silent...
As a quiet death...
With that I am almost silent...
That is a death, that I can't speak...

If regrets serve

If messages are written...
In faults...
Then post adolescent regret...
Is heavy in the could have beens...
And if memory serves...
Forgetting would be a blessing...
Not to wither in lost possibilites...
Which will it serve to be...

how the world is

of new lines spoken...
so much was heard in the words..
only soo much truth could be breathed...
in the simple lies happiness could be found...
from a fantasy and in hearing few words...
life could continue as it was...
mercy was only seemed a fantasy...
that was held longer than one day or in a thought....

a fools thought

after it all past...
i sit thinking here...
what it didn't last....
and for everything that i keep...
leaves me crying like an orphan...
with that i walk have to walk on...
laughing at the sun...
even after it over i still think back...
that all the waste that was given in those days...
has lost its bite...
after the world has seen another day...
i am the one with a tainted life...
from not giving what i could have...
but in the end it doesn't matter at all...
it all has to make me laugh...
love was like a religion...
and it was all of my life....
mornings afterwards always seem stale...
tieing together the loose pieces...
the pieces that i left in broken glasses...
i remember after i lost the frank talks...
i threw them all then to the glass

for sweet things

there are sins, in words unspoken...
does a love ever have to be all truth...
or is it only a fantasy...
where sanity is only found in the false...
to stomach or to stand...
it seems like a safe lie...
to live without breaking for the time being...
all that is wanted, is to be a sweet everlasting thing...
only cheap things have shown some light...

for sweet loveness

even if i forget my pains...
my scars will guide me to truth...
and if that truth is to be...
i will live it even though...
just on it having to be...

the exchanges

pressing the wrong...
to prove the right...
in some frightful sacrifice...
justification in seeking solitude...
not burning others in my own madness...
the control I've sought is mine in the spirits...
in the spirit of being a man...
one without addictions of love...
what i am to be is fearful...
and what i am is unbearable...

To at the end

This is how it goes...
No matter what...
The breathing...
Dreams are caught in these word...
To be behiden at this moment...
Maybe immortal

Modern sight of working

Things look the same...
Hammering the same nails...
Waking from the same stained floor...
Knowing every move yesterday...
the feelings are not seen...
The face always smiles...
with a passive grin...
Is this how it plays out...
Always ending the day, as a last summers night...
Sweating like sin...
When there was no crime...
Vice was giving defintion with sin...
Just for the change...

work of life

how it sounds...
is giving up on expectations...
standing up from the night...
working in the world...
working on the heart...
everything is a battle...
and the only war is for sanity...
parting from the expectations...
gives the chance to meet potential...
no more sacrifices to worry...

something in the night

sitting here away in many ways than one...
i am a prisoner and i am a freedman...
my words and actions are in this room...
whether to hurt or be hurt...
this is in my choice...
hiding, wasting, or saving...
it all seems this should be my world...
where my sacrifice to be here is fitting...
no ill comes of me heart...
sitting here away, and being nowhere...
my experiences tell me to sleep...
but all i can do is watch...
investing in nobody but myself...
i only see silence...
but feeling stronger in myself...
by sitting here silent...

mindess

if my wisdom departed with a whim...
the wheels would still turn,,,
with me as the axis...
forever bound to tomorrow...
as today nothing...
a victim of life...
always of casualty...

red lights are no regrets

It’s been ten years since I was a stupid boy in love, and I still dream of her. Even after all the stories that seemed close to life but didn’t pan out in the end.

3 years since the last time I saw her from drunken eyes. She still tried to call me the next day after all my rage of a decade screamed at her, with frustration those were the lies we both told about each other.

The dream gave a shared view of the luxury we weren’t, as if living without our past of anger. A dream living this way, inside of a house that wasn’t mine.

God why did it have to be her, the last time I dreamt of her everything came true. It only did because none of our goals were in it.

It was only a dream, that’s not how I live my life and that ship has sailed long ago without me. By mistake or by choice, I have to keep pressing though these red lights

boredom

for all the sleepless nights...
this was not one of regret...
or sorrow...
this was of lifestyle...
the long nights of weekends...
alone, drinking, and pressing through...
the silence has stronger madness...
compulsions aren't what they use to be...
and sleep doesn't come as easy...
in silence...

Lust to Lust... then to Love

    Lust captures the hollow beasts eyes, tempting without fear, as in there is no heart here that believes in everything is without consequence when there is only hollow emotions played as a ritual.

Till the silence grants a moment eyes lock mechanically instinct of the baser beasts, this will be the dance, their dance of ever that beasts never relive in heart.

Stalking with lust in heart, burning for the connection if only once, it was all the beast cared about, the reason it lived.

With gentle love of red lips pressing to the beasts mouth, unaware of anything all focus of lust is lost, from where the hollow heart sat silent warmth came bring its soul that which was impossible.

This was love, this was life, nothing before this was true, believing in the past was just settling with the motions with no heart or soul.

It was all here now from red lips that rose the soul from nowhere; this was true everything that was a myth could pull from hell to this bliss

this was how it feels...

From the last moments that came before giving up keys and clickers, it was all noticed that it was forced in the days before. There was never any friction that would even cause any love to grow from the opposite sides. And there would be no use in trying to justify staying, because there was nothing to think twice about, giving where soo long would be more fitting a good bye would be too sweet.

Nothing twisted up the feeling of fleeing in the silence that staring the world in the face with expected faith. And from the broken jobs of making ends meet walking away was the only truth that was left from living, as what was expecting. There wasn’t anything that twisted up the working class feeling of working through.

And in maybe the tomorrow would show more of the woman that was spilled into, and all would be the stronger foundation in love. But there was no holding breathing in the silence of leaving. Life was always meant to stare forward as the critics always said. There was no winning in fighting every fight just keeping up was enough to breath

And in the times it was recognized to step away with the pride of a man to stand tall even if alone.  From the slight sloppy nights watching the night slip by memories would be the foundation of new days and the only words that gave solace was the belief that it wasn’t for the weak of heart and for the strong madness of the world.

Even if it was to slip slightly the world was from the fierce promise to keep eyes open and in the sleeping between the false words and truths of making life work.

not anyone's just my perception...

as it goes now, the thorns between us...
only came from me...
i can see now that the life that was to be...
couldn't ever have me fit happily...
and because of the years i felt slighted...
were a waste on me...
that life never had an invitation for me...
there were no daggers in your heart...
still I'd like to be alone...
from this point because of my own faults...
and its not anyone's just my perception...

Vacation

Some days I just want to hide away... away from all the obligations of life, the debt, the responsibilities. If I could hide in some hotel room away from shouting distance or phone calls, just to decompress for a while and sleep beside a few empty bottles of booze.
...but then how would I pay for the room or the booze, there's not even enough money for the gas to get there.

I don't even have a girlfriend because they've only cost me in the past money or emotions, I’m short on both when I really need them. There is no sympathy for the lonely, but it suits me, keeps me in the right frame of mind from spending money or time that I don't have. Yeah it seems sad in that one moment but I just need the silence to be alone and set my mind straight this is where a woman would hinder everything that I’ve been trying to say...

How did anyone ever get to write or do anything? The budgets to do anything are not even put on the board yet, before what I get doesn't even end up in my pocket it’s never mine before it’s taken... I need a vacation from myself, to be something or someone else that can actually live, grinding out meals and rent aren't very fulfilling when the vice of friends are too far away. The little I scrape together from the weaseling I do isn't always enough for simple vices.

I don't like being poor, but it seems like this is the truest American experience I can express and this isn’t being cynical it’s not even about the time I live in, it’s about the hand I was dealt and my guilt to remain shackled to my morals? Is this how my father felt when I was child? If so I’m that I don’t have to kids to passively express my discontent with how things have played out this far into my life.

I just keep telling myself that I need to suffer some to really appreciate what’s to come in the future. If not maybe I’m a bigger fool than Lot,  Faith in tomorrow is all I have.

Never lived

I hate the silence...
Everything slows...
Then the voices that are missing...
Speak...
Like venom...
And the world become predictable...
Trying to hide from silence...
In loud fights only dreamt...
Never lived...

Braided with words

Unrequited for what...
There are no words hidden...
No looks meant for tomorrow...
In time the desires seem tired...
Following through is forgotten...
Appearances mean nothing to no one...
To be struck down with more words...
Reasons to expect a fault...
Waiting to break into what...

And after this

Chip at the places of silence...
Rubbing out memories...
Breathing easier with nothing dreading...
No ill venom on tongue...
Sleeping in a better way...
Waking to a new page...
Without words...

between the mixes

there is no missing dream...
no shine to this glazed feeling...
and i blame you...
because i let you in...
now i'm rude being crude...
no trust in my words towards you...
and all of this will go on...
like this till i can learn to breath...

Voiceful

I am inaudible with my voice...
At any time the silence will break you...
Sinking in the words that save...
Recognising the diamonds of these words...
In reality my voice is the grinding of life...
Understood as silence hearing only lost parts...
The fragments of stories are what life is heard...

Summer done

I'm always waiting for summer...
To end for the colder nights...
Are easier to live with...
When summers over there maybe some stories...
Some stories, some fantasies...
Jokes always make it easier...

Choice of words

The impractical...
Is the impossible...
From this end or from fate...
That is the law...
With no thought to fight anymore...
It is simple live around it...
As if this was practical...
Accepting can loose strength...
And can be safe...

Traded for sleep

The desire to let go...
That fire is always...
Hoping not to keep searching...
Like a fool to forget it...
The weakness of living...
The search of coming short...
And to push it out...
Only keeps sleep close For so long...
Winning the stars would come closer...
Than win at letting go...
Knowing is bitterness...

Man Possesed

A man that is possesed...
Is undefinable...
He can not share what he is...
Like a cross or burden...
It is his faith in himself...
None shall but deeper than him...

good times for wars

this devil wrongs you...
this devil loved some...
so many rights did him wrong...
making right made his love tire...
he was only the last call...
and for that the darkside began...
with the good times leaving the game...
for fortunes found fighting inside...
after the last calls came back...
the expectations weren't noticed...
the devil had to accept this...
ignoring his own last calls...
the leftovers past over for nothing...

brief for dreams

where the world shines...
work and living always seems dark...
and waking to find that shine seems tired...
everything that comes from this is black...
premonitions never come true...
entirely to be trusted...
when day blesses enough...
belief is only as a dream...

expecting

things go like this...
without ever holding breath...
never missing a beat...
even if it is something special...
this is whats reliable...
and if tears ever come...
it means the expectations were extraordinary...
aiming at what can be hit...
the gambles never add up...
not giving up on people...
just taking bets on when...

Being over

Sometimes things are really over...
For all the times wondering...
If so what makes it so...
But seeing new days...
Means that it is over from now...
And if a song or the sky says otherwise...
Nevermind it for now...
The best things can come it being over...

That is to be noble

Do you still dream of white horses...
Driven by noble souls...
when the sun comes do you smile...
Are you blessed by life...
Do my faded colors invade your world...
Is my warn hand like violence...
Do I sound like vulgarities...
We breath the same...
But I was not so blessed...
With the sun or noble dreams...
My world is struggling for breath...
And for piece of mind...
With so much heart...
That is to be noble...

truer as life

some ships have sailed...
and new faces are found...
in broken visions...
no more in past hopes...
driving foreward...
to find the new face close...
through the missing pieces...
and the darker shades...
the sun will touch...
in different worlds...
breaths will be taken as life...
truer as life...

from now...

never to find grace...
speaking to myself...
holding in my own heart...
with everything shared...
who could find...
with this fate...
build my own faith in myself...

for some certain of the black

uncertain of war...
share a smoke...
before i'm on my way down...
from hell i will still bless you...
in my darkness i give to you...
all that is of me...
the love and truth...

my way

making up for burning houses...
living out of churches...
bridges always stand...
to and between...
where this kind of fire...
sleeps is inside my heart...
was it lost...
is it lost...
not caring to find out..
caught in passions...
losing sleep to sin...

vicious truths

never brought my name to shame...
was always as dirt...
expected as much, only in truth...
living like a lost fire...
hopeing to focus into life...
unappologentic for vicious truths...
of myself or the worlds role...
breaking the silence in vulgarity...
black words of truth...

where it should be

i got my place...
i hold my breath...
hidding from uncertainty...
fighting to keep my balance...
stareing at my own face...
knowing this is everything...
my world as it happened...
my own result of me...

tomorrow's meaning

I never wonder what was said... from the past about me... I look back to breath a sigh... the past is no more... and for looking back those words never stick... not in this life... they held meaning before yesterday... no more can they sting or love... was that only for before the last night... do they still hold wonder... life should hold the meaning of tomorrow... in the words of today...

4 dimension

eyes trying to peer into my world...
where they don't belong...
eyes that see the ocean...
more than water...
a place where angels rarely glance...
and mortals fear to tread...
on this side of the wall...
is breathing fire, like insanity...

junk shops

streching from road to road...
wishing to stop...
feeling peace could be...
in a shop selling salvation...
hope i can find home...

my side of town

i think i feel in love...
while i was looking away...
but now it doesn't belong to me...
and i whisper it...
all the way from the otherside of town...

you'd bet

why was my name never given your breath...
to live aside from paper...
when its relevant my name, the word...
isn't gonna be yours...
by the chances saying your name over years...
was given to much life...
and when life needs your name...
the word won't matter...
after the years living conversations...
that didn't happen yet or ever...
your name will be a word that didn't matter...
because nothing ever happened...

staying beyond one step

i still keep up with my shadow...
always behind me...
starting me...
leaving me...
always seeking warmth...
where no light lives...
at the beginning it doesn't seem mine...
always further than arms length...
like a lover's pity...
no reason to stay, bound by unknown faith...

sunday's words

maybe looking away...
was too long a descion...
there maybe regret in this...
the day has already come...
and i am still dreaming...
of what can't told in truth...
looked away into my darkness...
hopeing not to stirke down...
the light with my sins...
my darkness is not for the innocent...
the company i have kept in darkness...
the light still loves...
but from another's love...