this was how it feels...

From the last moments that came before giving up keys and clickers, it was all noticed that it was forced in the days before. There was never any friction that would even cause any love to grow from the opposite sides. And there would be no use in trying to justify staying, because there was nothing to think twice about, giving where soo long would be more fitting a good bye would be too sweet.

Nothing twisted up the feeling of fleeing in the silence that staring the world in the face with expected faith. And from the broken jobs of making ends meet walking away was the only truth that was left from living, as what was expecting. There wasn’t anything that twisted up the working class feeling of working through.

And in maybe the tomorrow would show more of the woman that was spilled into, and all would be the stronger foundation in love. But there was no holding breathing in the silence of leaving. Life was always meant to stare forward as the critics always said. There was no winning in fighting every fight just keeping up was enough to breath

And in the times it was recognized to step away with the pride of a man to stand tall even if alone.  From the slight sloppy nights watching the night slip by memories would be the foundation of new days and the only words that gave solace was the belief that it wasn’t for the weak of heart and for the strong madness of the world.

Even if it was to slip slightly the world was from the fierce promise to keep eyes open and in the sleeping between the false words and truths of making life work.

not anyone's just my perception...

as it goes now, the thorns between us...
only came from me...
i can see now that the life that was to be...
couldn't ever have me fit happily...
and because of the years i felt slighted...
were a waste on me...
that life never had an invitation for me...
there were no daggers in your heart...
still I'd like to be alone...
from this point because of my own faults...
and its not anyone's just my perception...

Vacation

Some days I just want to hide away... away from all the obligations of life, the debt, the responsibilities. If I could hide in some hotel room away from shouting distance or phone calls, just to decompress for a while and sleep beside a few empty bottles of booze.
...but then how would I pay for the room or the booze, there's not even enough money for the gas to get there.

I don't even have a girlfriend because they've only cost me in the past money or emotions, I’m short on both when I really need them. There is no sympathy for the lonely, but it suits me, keeps me in the right frame of mind from spending money or time that I don't have. Yeah it seems sad in that one moment but I just need the silence to be alone and set my mind straight this is where a woman would hinder everything that I’ve been trying to say...

How did anyone ever get to write or do anything? The budgets to do anything are not even put on the board yet, before what I get doesn't even end up in my pocket it’s never mine before it’s taken... I need a vacation from myself, to be something or someone else that can actually live, grinding out meals and rent aren't very fulfilling when the vice of friends are too far away. The little I scrape together from the weaseling I do isn't always enough for simple vices.

I don't like being poor, but it seems like this is the truest American experience I can express and this isn’t being cynical it’s not even about the time I live in, it’s about the hand I was dealt and my guilt to remain shackled to my morals? Is this how my father felt when I was child? If so I’m that I don’t have to kids to passively express my discontent with how things have played out this far into my life.

I just keep telling myself that I need to suffer some to really appreciate what’s to come in the future. If not maybe I’m a bigger fool than Lot,  Faith in tomorrow is all I have.